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relationships Tag

5 SIGNS IT'S TIME TO RETHINK TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

So you want to change your life.  You want to reach goals.  You wanna make moves in a different direction.  Well wake up sister, because you can create LIFE CHANGES NOW. They say, "You are who you hang around" or  "You become like the company you keep."

NEWS FLASH!!! ⇒ IT'S TRUE!  and unfortunately we aren't going to come to this realization overnight! 

I get it, the idea of this sounds great, but the reality is, this is one tough cookie to tackle! One of the hardest alterations many people face on the way to reaching their goals and creating LIFE CHANGES is the realization that the people they’ve surrounded themselves with are negative influences.

I'm always telling myself, people come into our lives for different reasons and different seasons. Bottom line, it sucks when someone leaves your life or you have to leave theirs.  But shit happens and truth is, life goes on, and eventually we see the beauty of the underlying outcome.

#1 RECIPROCITY: STOP DOING ALL THE WORK

I completely SUCK at this! I'm a giver by nature, so I'm usually the one doing the inviting which leads me to get let down pretty frequently. UNTIL...I learned what reciprocity truly meant, started incorporating it into my personal and professional relationships, and magically discovered kind of suck.. And it’s time for some LIFE CHANGES.

It's 2018!  We live in a world where technology is at the forefront of EVERYTHING we do.  It takes less than 5 seconds to respond to a text.  If someone can't take the time out of their "busy" life to respond or even just check in on you, I hate to tell you, but you're ju

st not that important to them.  Life happens and of course we become busy and burdened by responsibilities. The truth is, true friends will try to spend time with you.  If they can’t do that, then it’s best to move on and recognize this is a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.

#2 YOU FEEL DRAINED EVERY TIME YOU HANG

As hard as it is for me to admit it, I have most definitely been guilty of this one.  I'm sure we all have. We all go through phases in our lives where we aren't in the greatest place, and if you've known someone a while you both have had your fair share of ups and downs.  When it comes to HEALTHY relationships, the best relationships and friendships are there for you during the most difficult situations without question.

⇒ Let me be clear here people. ⇔  For F*ck sake, do not, I repeat, DO NOT confuse a rough patch for a "debbie downer."   Don't go abandoning your girlfriend, brother, best friend, cousin twice removed because they are going through a tough situation and need their moments of venting.  Instead, learn to be a great listener, and set your boundaries for yourself on when and when not to be around this person.  BEFORE cutting anyone off, Please suggest getting them some help or working with a specialist.

 

Signs of the "Negative Nancy!"  aka “Toxic People” They always seem to suck the energy out of you.  Friends like these are toxic. They are usually negative, judgmental, and seem to be using you as a personal therapist to deal with every single issue.  They consistently causing drama or are the center of the drama. There never is a positive outcome to anything. They constantly play the victim and never apologize for their actions.

This is extremely draining. Cut these types of “toxic relationships” off before their negativity rubs off on you. Have some respect for yourself. You are not a personal punching bag.

#3 BAD NEWS BEARS - CHANGE YOUR ENVIRONMENT• CHANGE YOUR LIFE

We meet people from all walks of life typically in the places we hang around most, but it's how they influence you that truly matters.  Take a look at your inner circle and ask yourself these questions: 

  • Are they challenging me to be the best version of myself possible?
  • Do we constantly have drama?
  • Can we mix business and fun?
  • Am I surrounding myself with success?

Truth be told you can meet people anywhere, but if you are noticing a pattern in your relationships, change your surroundings.  Your environment has a lot to do with the people you meet.  Try going somewhere new and I bet you will notice an entire difference.

#4 I'M RIGHT AND YOU'RE WRONG

If someone can not accept the fact that they are not right all of the time, no matter how much evidence or proof is present, then this is a sign they ARE probably a toxic and you need to re-evaluate your life changes.

Keep in mind that many people who are insecure or deeply hurt may behave this way as well, but if it is becoming a theme in the relationship or friendship, try looking elsewhere and make critical changes.

Plus who wants to hangout with a know it all, ALL THE TIME!  These people can be extremely combative and argumentative.

 

#5 CONTINUAL CRITICIZING

I'm a pretty forward person and appreciate direct communication, but it's not for everyone.  I've had to learn how to be direct with my communication, while also being MINDFUL of the delivery.  However, there is a big difference when someone who cares about you shoots you straight and gives you advice when it’s needed, but it’s a completely different ball game when a person is criticizing you regularly. If there is someone in your life that is criticizing you all the time, judging you, and giving you unasked for advice, it is probably not you, but them.

 This would certainly be considered a toxic relationship and you would need to approach the situation to make them aware. But, if it continues, eliminating toxic relationships can be a blessing.

⇒ WHAT TO DO NOW? 

It's never easy coming to peace with separation.  Before making any major decisions, make sure you have a calm rational conversation with the person first.  They may not be aware of their behavior and may appreciate the feedback.

CHECK OUT THIS EXERCISE TO HELP YOU DISCOVER YOUR A TEAM.